Have you noticed who wounds moms the most?
We hear it all the time:
"Moms have it so hard."
"Society puts too much pressure on Moms"
"Support other Moms."
"Be the village - it takes a village... village everything”
"Moms lifting other moms."
“No Mom shaming.”
But... what happens when a mom says something that doesn't fit your version of "the right way"? What happens when she chooses differently than you would?
I've realized something hard and pretty painful:
Far too often, the ones who hurt moms the most... are other moms. It feels like the ones who throw the first stones are the very women who should understand the weight we're carrying.
Recently, I shared something incredibly vulnerable. I talked about how l exhausted every natural option: homeopathy, protocols, naturopaths, herbs, prayer. And I still needed medication. It wasn't what I wanted. But it was what I needed in that season.
And it was one of the bravest, most humbling decisions I've made.
But the comments rolled in... "Well, did you self-prescribe [homeopathy]..." Implying that is probably why homeopathy didn't work. After I responded back to her (along the lines of this isn't the time or place), though she was a long time follower, she unfollowed me.
Another said: "You should have just tried my MLM product. It would have fixed everything!"
For whatever reason, they bothered me. Being an "influencer" you get a lot of push back, hate and criticism all the time. But I kept looking at these comments... the post... and couldn't drop it. It's what I see daily in my Facebook group.
The comments felt like quiet daggers. Not because l need applause for my choices... But because l thought we, as moms, we’re in this together. I thought we were supposed to hold space for each other. To believe moms when they say, "I tried. I really, really tried."
Because underneath it was the message: "If you'd just done what I do or how I do, you wouldn't have been struggling."
Do we realize how cruel that is? Do we realize how often we speak condescension and call it concern.... to other moms? This example is just skimming the surface, so I hope you understand the intent of what I mean for a short post
We all say this gig is hard. We all say motherhood is overwhelming.
But the moment someone does something different, whether it's birthing, feeding, schooling, medical decisions, or mental health support, the judgment creeps in.
Maybe it's because motherhood is so often out of our control... and we grasp for certainty wherever we can find it. But when we start turning our coping mechanisms into moral superiority... we miss the entire point of community
Here's what I've been sitting with: When motherhood feels out of control, we cling to what makes us feel safe. A parenting style. A protocol. A routine. A supplement. A remedy.
We crave certainty. We want to believe, "If I do everything right, nothing will go wrong."
So we hold tight to what's worked for us and sometimes, without realizing it, we start to believe it's what should work for everyone. But life is more layered than that. And motherhood is not a formula, it's a deeply personal, sacred, messy walk that requires grace. But sometimes... that security turns into superiority
But here's the truth:
Motherhood is not a formula to master. It's a calling to steward.
God is not grading me on how "natural" I am. He's not asking me to perform motherhood perfectly, He's asking me to surrender. To trust Him. To lean on His wisdom when mine runs dry. To follow peace, not pressure.
He sees the tears I cried before I said yes to help. He knows how long I wrestled, how badly I wanted something else to work. And He didn't shame me for that decision. He met me in it. So maybe we could start doing the same for each other.
Let's be the kind of moms who say:
"Even if your journey looks nothing like mine, I still see you. I still honor you." Because grace changes everything. And it starts with us. Because moms are not your mission field. They are your sisters. And we don't need more shame, we need more shoulders to lean on.
I think about my two best friends all the time. We're vastly different. We parent differently. We birthed differently. We cook differently. We believe differently. And none of it has ever come between us. Because what matters more than being the same, is that we are intentional. We're informed. We're honest about our limits. And we trust each other enough to say: "I see what you're doing for your family, and I respect it, even if it's not what l'd do." That's real community. That's the kind of women I want to be around.
Let's stop weaponizing our choices. Let's stop offering unsolicited "solutions" that sound more like shame. Let's stop pretending we have the one right way, because we don't.
Let's be the kind of moms who:
Ask more questions than we answer.
Extend grace before giving advice.
Hold space before holding judgment.
Because we can be crunchy. Or conventional.
Natural. Or medically supported Confident. And still learning.
But let's be kind.
Let's be graceful..
Let's be Christlike.
Because at the end of the day, we're not meant to control every outcome, we’re called to trust the One who already does.
